Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Day 173 #100happydays

I am struggling a bit at the moment, not a surprise, I suspect.  I find it hard to move forward, I try not to, but I hold on to old behaviours. Having just finished a holiday, which involved my family and my new life, not always a perfect mix, and then spending 4 days at my parents, grappling with my emotions of my mothers ever failing, but not so close to the edge, health, and my father's controlling behaviour, I have come home slightly angry with the world and I know I am being more assertive than I normally am.

This may not be a bad thing, but people don't like the dynamics to change and I am not sure it will be well received. I just feel fed up with being criticised, I know that is the way of the world, but it is draining.  I need to stop search for approval and enjoy just being me.

So I will!

Thursday, 31 July 2014

Day 160 #100happydays

We are all together, it was my nephew's birthday yesterday and we had a big celebration.  I have been doing some thinking and resolving the issues in my head.  I sometimes struggle with whose life I am leading, my own, or others.  I don't need approval to be myself.  My brother got me to put the Menace on this sailing holiday after Kevin died, he thought it would be good for him to learn with his cousins.

Enjoying the sailing holiday, but recognising the limitations of this as an expensive hobby, and unless there is real commitment to it, the need to bow out.  The Menace is enjoying it, but is not as gung-ho as his cousins and maybe we need to find our own path for next year.  The cost is too much to carry on if not really sure that it is something you want to do.

The Menace enjoys the social side of this week, but not so much the sailing, so maybe it is time to invest time in something he would prefer.

However, to have got this far, has been a real accomplishment.

Saturday, 26 July 2014

Day 155 #100happydays

I sit here in the peace of my holiday flat in Anglesey, happy to have the Menace back with me.  He has been on a PGL holiday and has enjoyed himself, he now wants a street surf and also did "zip wire three times!!" he told me, having said before he went that he would not do it.

However it was a mixed week, I missed him and he missed me and he learnt the dilemma about freedom and also having to be strong with difficult people.  I found the phone call mid week when he told me about the horrible boy, who apparently was mean to pretty much everyone, but made my boy cry by hitting his weakest point and saying "I'm glad your dad died!" very hard to take.  Needless to say, the Menace was moved out of a room with him.  He did enjoy himself, but learning to deal with bullies is a tough one for us all.

I'm proud of him for overcoming his fears of adventure, and also for sticking it out.  (another boy got punched in the mouth, and I get the impression he didn't have anything nice to say to any of them).  I am also proud of myself, for not just driving up there and dealing with it for him, even if I did say to them they needed to keep an eye, and they decided moving them to separate rooms was the answer.

Still, so happy to have him back, and yes he will do it again next year, but hopefully not with that boy.  It is good for him to have that time learning independence, even if I struggle with it.

Saturday, 19 July 2014

Day 144 #100happydays

Day 144 was yesterday.  It is very hot and the storms are brewing, so I am up reflecting on the year.  It is now Saturday and the school has broken up for the summer.  The Menace is upstairs basking in the glory of the first day off, and it has been a reflective week for me.  I went to watch his sports day on Monday, fully aware that this was the say last year that we started our new journey.  He started school on sports day, the last week of term in Year 4.

Yesterday when they all broke up we went off to Butterfield Green and there was a little party (mainly for year one, but some of us Year 5's tagged along).  Last year we missed the party on Butterfield Green because we went of the the Larmer Tree Festival.  I wanted to go again this year, but couldn't make it work, so have my eyes on another festival instead.

It was lovely to sit with everyone and join in.  Our house became the place all the small children went to the loo (must clean it today, smells like a school toilet!)  But wow, this year has been a journey and I can't help but look back and feel proud.  The Other Half, despite being grumpy recently also came out and joined in, and I had a real sense of arrival!

Whether I can sustain that, I do not know, whether it matters, I do not know.  I enjoy these moments of pride, when I realise how far we have travelled in our lives.  This year we relocated, settled in new schools, jobs, lived with new people (the other half and me) and worked at becoming Londoners!

Next year, will no doubt bring other challenges, but I shall enjoy the summer break and the sense of pride while I can!

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Day 134 #100happydays

Obviously I have missed a few days out, but not because I have been unhappy, more because it has been very busy.  We buried the father-in-law, which was indeed sad, but as the other half had not really seen him, it was interesting to learn about his life and meet other family members that I was yet to meet.  We then had a friend's child to stay for 4 nights as she had to get her other child through a hospital appointment.  It all got rather busy, and yes rather stressful, but I look back at it all, and recognise that we made it through and all is still good.

We are now rolling towards the holidays, and I feel pleased to be at this point.

Wednesday, 18 June 2014

Day 111 #100happydays

Resolved some outstanding issues with assignments. Phew!

Day 110 #100happydays

Funeral arrangements all sorted, and sleepovers arranged.  Thank goodness for those friends again!  The Menace's dyslexia report has come in and the school are being supportive, so all good!

Day 109 #100happydays

THE birthday party today, they phoned just before to say they couldn't do a swimming party as a child had been ill in the pool.  I marched there, got them to swap to the other pool, and we got a bouncy castle thrown in too!  Very stressful, but all done for another year!  Thank goodness!  Plus all seemed happy, so its okay!

Sunday, 15 June 2014

Day 108 #100happydays

The birthday celebrations still going on, the Menace had his friend over.  Lots of play, and lots of pottering for me. I do enjoy a spot of pottering.

Day 107 #100happydays

Not a birthday, always a good thing!  I went and had lunch with some old relatives.  It was nice to catch up with family in London, as most of my family live outside town! Then we had the mine craft game, or trying to set it up.  One happy post birthday boy though!  The weary traveller returned from his father's boat, as he has been travelling to and fro for two weeks now, sorting out the death.  We went for a pint together and the neighbour had the Menace.  Good to be part of a community.

Day 106 #100happydays

The Menace had a lovely birthday (I think).  He was happy with his presents although he would have preferred not to have learning things, so he said. He had his friends over for tea, and other than the usual tantrums, he seems to have enjoyed it.

Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Day 105 #100happydays

The Menace is excited about his birthday tomorrow.  I am struggling with this whole how to deal with Father's Day thing.  I have to realise this is not my issue!  We're back on whose worry is it?

Day 104 #100happydays

I really enjoyed today, I was at home and got a lot done!

Day 103 #100happydays

In to work to mop up issues from exam board, and a good catch up with a colleague, which helped me put things into perspective.

Day 102 #100happydays

A Sunday loafing!  On the green with the neighbours.  Lovely and lazy!

Day 101 #100happydays

Obviously, the challenge is now over, but I want to see if I can find peace and contentment for longer than 100 days, so I am going for 365!  Today we had a busy day at home.  The Menace went sailing with his friends then went to a party, and we went to see Arcade Fire.  They were Awesome!

I probably shouldn't mention on here my humiliation as my dog misbehaved in the park and a celebrity shouted at me...  Not sure which event stayed with me the most, this or the gig!

Day 100 #100happydays

Caught up with some old friends in the morning before I went home.  It was nice to visit St Albans and realise that I don't have that same wrench when I leave anymore.  Came back via work...

The challenge for peace in this world carries on...

Day 99 #100happydays

Dreadful day for the Other Half, busy drive to register his father's death then back to pick up the Menace for me, so I can go and host book club.  I had a lovely evening, although I drank rather a lot! Stayed over so was able to be the hostess with the mostess.  I am very grateful to the Other Half even while he is going through this awful time.

Day 98 #100happydays

Another busy but productive work day.

Day 97 #100happydays

Successful day at work for the team.  We got reapproval from the CIPD.

Day 96 #100happydays

Up early, working with the Menace, to help him with his dyslexia.  I quite like it in the morning, we work well together then, as there are not the distractions of other friends wanting to play.

Day 95 #100happydays

Friends over for lunch, lovely day.  These are good friends of the Other Half, so nice to get to know them better.

Sunday, 8 June 2014

Day 94 #100happydays

New car sorted!

Day 93 #100happydays

Went to look at new cars, which was fun and met up in the park with the Menace's old best friend's mum, as he came back with us and stayed the night.  We had a lovely walk and a chat.  Again I count myself lucky with friends.

Day 92 #100happydays

Back home after half term, and it has been lovely to be away, but now ready for home.  Also glad to see that I now appreciate home more, I don't feel that longing and miss my old life as much as I used to.

Thursday, 29 May 2014

Day 91 #100happydays

Radical acceptance day, students are baying for me as there is an issue with marking and the other half also needs me, so keeping calm, it is what it is.

Day 90 #100happydays

Bad news for the other half, a call out of the blue to say his father died.  It made me realise how lucky I am to have such good friends as all rallied round to help me to cover the childcare in case I needed to go with him, but he decided to go alone.

A lovely evening out with some old mates, again, so grateful for my friends.

Day 89 #100happydays

The bank holiday, and the Menace and i are going to visit St Albans and catch up with friends.  We had a lovely evening, settling in at a friends and lots of people came round for a catch up.

Sunday, 25 May 2014

Day 88 #100happydays

I am feeling much calmer about all the "school stuff" due to the assessment, and also due to another friend who is feeling blue, I was able to put my own stuff in perspective.  Had a lovely day sorting out stuff at home. The Menace and I played a bit of badminton and table tennis and I am firming up a plan to help him with his learning.

Day 87 #100happydays

I picked up the Menace from his friend's and we came home watched the X-men and settled down for a quiet evening.  A more relaxed day than the rest of the week!

Day 86 #100happydays

Today was a better day than yesterday, I am over the cusp of the work stress, that always comes with marking and moderation.  I am over my forgetting the counselling meeting for the Menace yesterday. And I was a also good humoured about being late for the theatre and sitting on the steps for the first half!

Also the Menace had his assessment today, it turns out he is a high functioning dyslexic, so I am relieved that he is not just lazy and now feel equipped to be able to help him.  I know the areas he is struggling with and I am able to help. Phew!  They will always be hard for him, but they aren't impossible for him to overcome and do well at school.

He was excited about seeing his old best friend and that meant we had the chance to go out as mentioned earlier, without me feeling guilty that we were out again, and he was home with a babysitter.

Thursday, 22 May 2014

Day 85 #100happydays

Its radical acceptance day!  I am irritable, I have too much to do.  I have apologised, I am not beating myself up any more! I know I keep snapping but I can't be apologetic all the time!

Day 84 #100happydays

More marking, then to a brilliant gig in the evening.  I was getting impatient, but then they came on and they were fabulous! This picture doesn't do it justice!

A blurry picture of the bearded brilliance!

Day 83 #100happydays

A very busy day moderating.  It took all day!  At least we can say we were thorough!

Day 82 #100happydays

A Monday at home, working.  A chance to get things done.

Day 79, 80, 81 & 82 #100happydays

Its been a funny time, I am stressed with work, and then there seems to be little time for enjoyment.  However I enjoyed the peace at the hospice, while the Menace had his counselling.  I also had lunch with the other half on the Friday after a stressful morning of moderation, followed by an impromptu drink with my neighbour and friend at the "wall bar" in the evening.  The weekend was successful in terms of sorting things, and on Sunday had a heart to heart with the Other Half, about working together better.

I am grateful to friends who support me, and the patience of my family. Work is always hard at this time of year.

Thursday, 15 May 2014

Day 78 #100happydays

I love this!

It summed up my feelings over the last few days.  I need to be confident in my decisions, they are valid, and enjoy my life.  Don't apologise for who you are....

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Day 77 #100happydays

Another difficult day to find the positive.  It started with a bizarre conversation with a mum about the amount of tutoring of other children, which caused a weird response in me.  Firstly I thought I am a bad mum, then I thought, actually he is doing well, just the results are skewed by the hothouse kids!

Then I reacted badly to some issues with students concerned about their exam.  I have come across these things before, but I was not feeling string and took it all personally, sought validation from my other half, who did not get it and therefore felt frustrated.  Not helped by the dog going off with the dinner.

So... the positive...

I recognise that class stats are skewed.
I rescued the dinner from the dog, albeit with teeth marks in.
I managed to go for a walk and release my tension on the outdoors not on the other half.

And my sister made me giggle - although this sounds sick. My father's dog died on Sunday, but he replaced her on Monday with another similar dog, named the same.  Its all very Solomon Grundy and it made me giggle.

Hopefully more fun tomorrow!

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Day 76 #100happydays

I have to say that today has been a struggle.  I have had to work hard to stay on top of those "bad thoughts".  Having had a lovely weekend visiting my late hubby's family, I have slipped into guilt easily.  Moving forward, ironically a strong topic of conversation with my friends in Blenheim Park, is not always that straightforward.

However work hard I have...

I have enjoyed the abundance of green in the park, whilst walking my dog on his birthday walk,  And chatting to someone about how he is now seven years old, yes seven, imagine!

I also enjoyed the walk home with the Menace and his friend and the giggles at the random things they picked up.  I was nervous about the postcard from his friend on the French trip he wanted to go on, but didn't, but this did not cause a reaction, only one in me!

Sometimes it is my own fear of reaction that is the problem, not the thing I am dwelling on!
I am also happy to have blinds on the window again!

Sunday, 11 May 2014

Day 75 #100happydays

The Menace had a play date this afternoon, so I had some time out with the other half.  We went for a lovely meal together, and a good ol' catch up.  Sometimes its just good to talk!

Day 74 #100happydays

A blustery day in the rain at Blenheim Palace.  We picnicked in the rain, and aught up with friends.  Two of my old polytechnic buddies.  A lovely day.  The Menace started the day with a spot of honey making! Or rather processing, the bees did the making...

Day 73 #100happydays

Hard working day, followed by a trip to Oxford, for me and the Menace.  He also started his new swimming lessons and started by sneaking in some quick play time with a friend.  Good to see him enjoying himself.

Thursday, 8 May 2014

Day 72 #100happydays

More marking done.  More productivity. And had to giggle at this guy in the park, doing his headstands...

A very happy Menace today, which of course, leads to a happy mummy!  His Uncle came into school and told them all about brains.

Day 71 #100happydays

I went for a run, I am very unfit, so I am pleased that I had a go.  Met up with an old work colleague.  A pleasant evening out.

Day 70 #100happydays

Busy day, followed by an evening at a dog class! The day could have been fraught, sorting out the exam issue from the week before, but it all went fine.  Then the dog class, about mental stimulation. This was hilarious! Very ironic to pay £25 to find out how to make free toys.  I enjoyed giggling!

Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Day 69 #100happydays

Bank Holiday Monday!  We watched Avatar and walked the dog.  Lazy days are fun days.  Then another impromptu drink in the pub with the neighbours.  Getting to know a few people around, which is lovely.

Day 68 #100happydays

Slightly hard of thinking today! (too much wine last night)  Luckily the Menace has a day with a friend so I can have a lazy day. Snooping around the vintage market and eating lardy breakfasts!

Day 67 #100happydays

Friends over for an afternoon, I made lots of lovely food and enjoyed the company.  As there were small kids involved everyone left early and we had an impromptu evening in our local with neighbours.  I love those kind of things....

Day 66 #100happydays

The Employment Law exam today.  A number of issues, but I have remained calm, as there is no other thing I can do, so it is pointless getting wound up about it.

Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Day 65 #100happydays

Strike day today (the underground)!  Really getting this radical acceptance!  I walked into work, set off early and just went for it. It was a sunny day and a very enjoyable walk, including the walk back, although I felt tired by the time I walked the dog in the evening!

Also the realisation that the Menace is developing a rather keen sense of humour.  We were discussing his reading and when I said "you have to try reading books without pages" (Obviously an error, I meant pictures), his retort reminded me of his dad.  "Cool! No pages," he said, with a wicked grin.  Bless him!

Day 64 #100happydays

A productive moderation meeting.  These are time consuming but at least we all know we are on the right track now!  I initiated this, but feel it was worthwhile and good for the team.

Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Day 63 #100happydays

Small things: an e mail of thanks from a colleague, positive feedback from my year's efforts.  Also an e mail of thanks from the woman we rent a house off in Norfolk, thanking me for leaving it tidy.  Small tokens of appreciation, they really make a difference.

Day 62 #100happydays

A catch up and a glass of wine and a moan with my neighbour, and good female bonding.  The Menace went to a party all day and recognised behaviours he doesn't like, a bit of a coming of age moment I think.

Saturday, 26 April 2014

Day 61 #100happydays

The Menace had a friend to stay, from our old home town.  We had an ambitious day planned which did not quite happen as expected, never mind. Spider-Man seemed to help.

Day 60 #100happydays

I enjoyed the peace and quiet today, the painter had finished and I worked at home alone.
I enjoy that peace.

Friday, 25 April 2014

Day 59 #100happydays

The Other Half out late, the Menace and I busy with swimming lessons and various other things.  A very tired boy went to bed, and so did I. Sometimes an early night is just what you need....

Day 58 #100happydays

A random hug from another dog walker I was moaning to, and she is also a mum at school. lovely to know people care, even if I am just moaning about the minor irritations of life, like my mornings being disturbed.

Day 57 #100happydays

The Menace is back at school and I have a nice quiet day working at home!

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

Day 53, 54, 55, 56 #100happydays

3 days in Norfolk with old friends.  We enjoyed the beach, the food and the company.

Day 52 #100happydays

The Menace and I met with some friends for lunch at the V&A, then went for a paddle in the Diana memorial in Hyde Park, it was great to catch up with them and also to know how easy it is to see friends from our past.  A lovely day out, and it feels that life is coming together.

Day 49, 50, 51 #100happydays

Another bitter/sweet.  I always struggle a bit at my parents, my mother is ill and my father struggles to cope with it.

However I enjoyed watching him play croquet with the kids.

And I also know that my mum's carers are looking after her well and also looking out for him, it is him I worry about.  One of them said he is almost like family, and that is comforting to know.

And here is my mum, bless her.  We don't know how much she knows anymore.

Day 48 #100happydays

The Menace went to his best friends party, then we got the train up to Yorkshire to visit my parents.

Here we are relaxing on the train!

The Menace declared this the best way to travel to Grumpy's house!

Day 47 #100happydays

A lovely day out with friends, starting with a trip to our local cinema for a Q&A with Mike Leigh.  It was a great day altogether, lots of intellectual stimulation, and lots of friends around.

Day 46 #100happydays

Last night was our two year anniversary, mine and the Other Half, we went out to the same restaurant we went to for our first date.  He had work today and left early, so I had a lie in, before I picked up the Menace from his friends.

Then we went for an assessment for the Menace for  counselling, I have been trying to get this for a while, as I know he misses his dad.  The meeting was sad, but also uplifting for me.  I realised he is settled in our new home/ life, the only thing he is struggling with is he misses his dad, and that is the one thing I can't help with.  Thankfully they are getting him some support.

The dog snuck in for a lie in too!

Day 42, 43, 45 #100happydays

I spend three days at the lovely DPR conference.  This blog is about my acceptance of the world I live in, but the DPR is a chance to set my mind free and problematize to my hearts content.  All in the lovely surroundings of the University of Greenwich.

Day 41 #100happydays

A day with my son, just finishing off work things and setting ourselves up for the holiday break.  Lovely day mooching around.

Here we are returning from my work, via the posh smoothie shop, with books instead of easter eggs, my gift to him.

Sunday, 6 April 2014

Day 40 #100happydays

Another good friend to dinner, all the same, some friendships endure time and space...

Day 39 #100happydays

A bitter sweet day.  My old friend came to dinner, she had told me things would not be the same after I moved.  I had to be honest and admit that sometimes that is the case.  You cannot force someone to be "the same" if they don't want to.  Radical acceptance.

Day 38 #100happydays

My niece came to visit, we had a great evening out at Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!

Day 37 #100happydays

A quiet evening in, working hard and recovering from the large glass of wine the day before!

Day 36 #100happydays

I met up with an old work colleague, who I haven't seen for a few years.  We had a big hug and a big chin wag and an even bigger glass of wine.  Great to catch up and know that things have not changed!

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Day 35 #100happydays

Today I worked in my messy space....
that little haven of an office, where I can leave my books lying around and they will all be there tomorrow, when I return.  i am working on a conference presentation, I feel I made good progress.  I also ran around the park and I feel healthier for it.

Also The Other Half mended my laptop after I dropped it.  I thought it was going to cost a lot, but he managed to make the pinkness go away.  I was forced to look at the world though rose tinted lenses!

Monday, 31 March 2014

Day 34 #100happydays

As my term has finished, I enjoyed the luxury of working from home today, not having to put on make-up or any real effort.  Enjoying a stream of coffee and leo quite a reasonable level of productivity, even with a short nap in the middle.  That always seems to happen when I have to read a lot!

Day 32, 33 #100happydays

A lovely weekend...

Saturday The Menace and I went back to our old town, to pick up the car, and to catch up with some friends.  Whilst there we also booked him and his friend on a PGL holiday in the summer.   His first time away from me, on his own, not with other family - I am terrified for him, but also excited, and so is he.  He said he will be like Harry Potter, as The Other Half pointed out, "without the magic".

It seems a big step for me, but definitely the right thing for him.  We then came home via Toys R Us, where he informed me that we should always go there as Hamleys was overpriced, I know that, but pleased that he realised.

Then an impromptu night out with The Other Half, we were meant to go across town, but for various reasons didn't so we were "locals" and went to the Jazz Club, then our local pub, which has not been somewhere we have frequented.  I actually knew people in there, and a sense of belonging is such a nice feeling for me.

Sunday we did a big bike ride with lunch, and I cannot express what a lovely weekend that was.  So lovely, I forgot to take any pictures!  Also bumping into people on our bike ride, also gave me a sense of locality again, something I have missed since we moved.

It is nice to be home....

Friday, 28 March 2014

Day 29, 30, 31 #100happydays

It is the end of the week, and the end of my teaching for my first year in my new job.  I feel accomplished!

Been able to help students and teach new subjects and also settle into a new job. We went out last night to celebrate.

Tuesday, 25 March 2014

Day 28 #100happydays

This mindfulness thing is tiring, but good for me.  My brain is constantly actively trying to be content, or restful of over anxious worry.  Not sure I did so well this evening, but nevertheless, all in all an okay day!

Too tired to keep working, so I am going to watch Philamena instead....
And here is a picture of my dog helping me!

Monday, 24 March 2014

Day 27 #100happydays

So Today is mundane Monday, the intrepid explorer has returned...with manflu.  We are all in a restorative state, just resting and peaceful.  The dog is enjoying the weather, and all the takeaways on Butterfield Green and I am generally feeling content, even if it is all rather uneventful.

I have been reflective on the habitual nature of emotions, I think we live in a stressful world and we apply the boom and bust to our emotions too.  This is hard work and not necessary!

Sunday, 23 March 2014

Day 26 #100happydays

Today the Menace swam in the swimathon.  Then we went out with everybody after.  We finished on a Harry Potterthon.  Lovely weekend!

I can't seem to get my photos to update, maybe tomorrow....

Interesting thoughts, over something I worried about, turned out to be nothing!  Must learn to control these thoughts!

Saturday, 22 March 2014

Day 24 & 25 #100happydays

Yesterday I had invited lots of the mums from school over.  This was a big thing for me, as I had felt uneasy (and a bit desperate) but I knew that as The Other Half was away I needed to spend the weekend at home, not always run back to my past, this wasn't very good for The Menace.  So there were 8 of us for dinner, and it was very enjoyable.  I made enough food for the whole class, but thats okay, we will eat a lot of curry this week.

I was still nervous today, but lots of texts and e mails indicate that people enjoyed it, and it was a worthwhile venture.  I also enjoyed the fact that I bumped into people this morning and know them.  I feel I have finally settled.

The Menace and I then met up with his old best friend for the afternoon, it was lovely, and i now feel able to mix both the past friends and have a present.  I feel I am beginning to live in the Here and Now!  Although I recognise it would be easy to slip back into old ways and I need to concentrate on my awareness of those emotions.

I hope The Other Half is enjoying his little break, I have enjoyed my time with The Menace, but I am looking forwards to his return.

Thursday, 20 March 2014

Day 20, 21, 22, 23 #100happydays

Oops, its been such a busy week that I forgot to fill this in!

Day 20 was my induction and I was also asked to write something for a press release, which I felt rather proud about. Day 21 I worked hard as I had a presentation on Day 22.  I felt very productive.  Day 22 I did my presentation, and it went well, so it felt like a successful day.  Day 23 I have felt tired all day, but happy with the progress of the week.  Also the other half is away so I am enjoying some one to one time with The Menace!

Sunday, 16 March 2014

Day 19 #100happydays

And this one is for today, on the right day!
Again a beautiful sunny day and I got up early and took out the dog, came back and persuaded everyone to come out with me on a bike ride to Victoria Park.  It was lovely, we got there, had pizza then came back.  What a lovely Sunday morning.  Then I dropped my son at a friend's and got on
with some work.

I took this picture on the way home, an appreciation of small space in London.

And sunshine!

Day 18 #100happydays

This is really for yesterday, I fell asleep last night!
For me, this blog is about learning to be content, not have a boom and bust attitude to feelings, which has tended to be my way.

So here is a picture of the park -

It signifies a rather chaotic, but happy walk with a friend and her new dog, and three children, all off in different angles and places!  It was lovely, just because it was a hive of activity and a sunny day.  I also helped an old man who fell over, he was very confused and we stopped, and that in itself makes you feel like a good citizen, but the other woman who stopped, also added how well behaved my son was, which is always nice, a moment of pride in your child, for standing there, holding the dog and waiting patiently, not complaining. Bless him!

Saturday, 15 March 2014

Day 16 #100happydays

Today has not been productive, but I am not bothered! Wow, thats a nice feeling.  I ended up time slicing, trying to fit too many things in, but somehow, its okay, I just accept it.  Radical acceptance!  I like this mindfulness.

I saw this and I liked it!
And then I caught up with old friends for the evening.  That is always nice.

Thursday, 13 March 2014

Day 15 #100happydays

Today has been a lovely day, the fog lifted to glorious sunshine.  I had a good lecture, and then came home to a present!  Its been a difficult few days and my other half wanted to treat me. xx

Here is the dog enjoying the sunshine...

What a mess, I love his joie de vivre!

And I wanted to add this, I just think its a great sign, and I love it!

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

Day 14 #100happydays

I found this, this morning, snuck onto the spare bed!
I love my cheeky dog!

I wanted to put a photo of the man at Dalston Kingsland Station who talks to all the passengers, he cheers me up every day and makes me smile! But alas, he wouldn't let me.

So here is my healthy salad instead, which I did really enjoy!

Ovbiously that may have something to do with the bacon and cheese I then put on it.  But all those healthy seeds!

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Day 13 #100happydays

This is a hard one, there's trouble t'mill, but I still need to find the happiness.  Well....
Its been a good day at work, I have got a lot done, part of my development that I have to do, lots of moderation and some other stuff too. Good!

I also had a lovely takeaway tonight.

Monday, 10 March 2014

Day 12 #100happydays

No pictures, just a sense of satisfaction.  I have been practising mindfulness, and today "radical acceptance" did not mean giving in, it meant being assertive but accepting the conflict.  That in itself made me feel accomplished.

I also got told that the students praised me in a committee, again a nice feeling, a validation of hard work and effort, that also feels good.

Day 11 #100happydays

Before I forget, this is for yesterday, I was too tired last night to fill it in.  We had just got back from a lovely weekend in Norfolk with friends from our old life, before we moved.

There was sunshine, friendship, good food, and plenty of wine!  What more could you want?  I think my friend would have liked a quick solution to her hangover, but a three hour walk on the coastline blew the cobwebs out for her!

And the dog had an excellent time!  The Menace left his beloved bear, but the woman is going to send it back to me, and he will be very pleased with that.  I think it will do him good to have some time apart from it and it has to happen at some point!

The kids enjoyed each others company, I can't think of anything more important than all of those things combined!

Saturday, 8 March 2014

Day 10 #100happydays

I can't put up a photo for today, as my photos will not update, as we are away, having a lovely weekend in Norfolk.

We have walked for three hours, enjoyed a lovely meal and now we are relaxing for the evening.  It is good to catch up with friends and to appreciate their company!  And also to enjoy such fresh air and the feel of the sea in your hair - I pay good money for that look!  I will add the photos tomorrow.

Friday, 7 March 2014

Day 9 #100happydays

Today I feel enlightened, and although I have no image of happiness, I do feel happy!
Here is why:

This is a book I was encouraged to read to my son, when my husband was very ill and he (my son) was very anxious, and he didn't really understand it.  I thought I did, but I realised today I didn't.  I met with a counsellor yesterday as I know I have been feeling unhappy.  My rational self and my emotional self seem to be in two separate places, and as this book states, I have been carrying anxious worries with me everywhere.  I even see myself do it physically, I take all my work with me to work and back again each day, even though I know I won't get it all done, but just in case I have a miracle moment where I can speed read all the marking or learn to stretch time I carry it anyway, and I also do that with all my anxieties.  

I have also been reading up on mindfulness and I had a moment of radical acceptance this morning.  Most of my daily worries, they just don't matter, not now, not today, so why bother taking them with me, leave the bag of worries at home, don't carry it everywhere, and I had a much more pleasant and "light" morning walk. 

What a lovely feeling!

Thursday, 6 March 2014

Day 8 #100happydays

I don't have a picture today, well, only tenuously.  Today I went to book club and caught up with old friends, and I really valued that time and those conversations.  We made a considerable effort to talk about the book, but also talked about many other things, and those are the conversations that I really enjoyed.  Food, wine and trusted conversation.  One being about whether you love animals or not.  I do, but I understand their place.  So here is my picture...

This is the picture of where the fox was that I saw.  Did we connect, when he looked at me, of course not, but watching his life made me feel serene, for that brief moment,  Even though really I know he is vermin and it means nothing.

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Day 7 #100happydays

Sunshine, that makes me happy!

I just love it when the sun shines!

And now I am sitting here in the evening, working on the sofa (a guilty pleasure), in my PJ's watching House of Cards and marking.  Its also the first day of lent, and I am not using Twitter or Facebook during that time, so I have to focus on the world I live in.

Tuesday, 4 March 2014

Day 6 #100happydays

Pancakes, what is there not to like?

Actually they were very tasty, the Menace and I had both maple syrup, then followed by a second helping of lemon and sugar!  Yum.

And also lots done at work and a very pleasant interaction with some students, that made me feel confident. Alway good!

Monday, 3 March 2014

Day 5 #100happydays

Today I made pizza.  Firstly the Menace had friends around and the eating demands were complicated so we did build your own pizza, it was fun and they all chose to put faces on them.  Then I threw down the gauntlet and told them to have some 'no screens' play, the noise in the house went up considerably.

Having cheated with the kids I made pizza again for us, and made the dough, I had some image of professional pizza hood, but without the necessary tools, and having made the pizzas couldn't transfer them to the oven and I did not have a huge pizza spatula (or whatever you call them), we were in fits! It was those proper belly laughs, always so fulfilling!

Here they are, rather misshapen, but very tasty, and providing a good laugh!

And my other moment of happiness...having waited all morning for it, my delivery, of course arrived when I was in the shower!

I made the woman walking in the green across the way laugh as I appeared rather disgruntled at the door in my towel!  And it also makes me happy as they phoned me concerned about my custom and made the effort to sort the box themselves.  I wasn't planning of leaving, but it was nice to be fussed over, so all the better!

Sunday, 2 March 2014

Day 4 #100happydays

Today has been very productive, but also very undemanding.  We have done all those little things that need to be done.  A lazy start followed by a dog walk, with one wet dog!

Lots of people laughed at him swimming after the ducks in the park.  Then a trip to my favourite shop to get some fresh food.

Lots of fresh stuff for dinner!  I cooked the tomatoes while the other half sorted out the bikes for summer and the pipes under the sink!

Its been a useful and productive Sunday.  I also bumped into people out on my travels, which I always enjoy, and doesn't happen much since we moved, but thats a sign we are settling and also a sign that it is getting warmer!

Saturday, 1 March 2014

Day 3 #100happydays

Today we have rationalised the two storage units into one, saving ourselves quite a bit of money!  And also we have brought home all this!

Maybe its a party, or just some creative cooking time!  Also while we sorted the storage the Menace went climbing with his friend and had a great time.  normally he is scared, but he made it to the top and so he is happy too!  But the biggest chuckle of the day goes to him (the Menace) announcing during dinner that he sailing buddy is not called Eagle!  (no, he is Igor!)  that really made me giggle!

Friday, 28 February 2014

Day 2 #100happydays

Before I lose my good mood, as I am prone to focussing on the negative at the moment, hence this blog.

This is to remind me of my lovely walk with the dog this morning, oh and a coffee!  I love my time with Man's Best Friend, and also that we use our animals as social props to engage in conversation with other dog walkers.  I had a delightful chat with a man about his dog, who was older and more sedate than mine.  And had another lovely chat with a woman who had a very cute labradoodle/cockapoo cross, what a mouthful to talk about! (as in the long name)

I also had a very welcome quiet lull this evening, when all were out (unexpectedly) and I sat and read a very useful paper on ethnography, it is always satisfying when you read a particularly good paper, that you know will come in handy!  It makes that rare moment of time seem all the more productive.

Thursday, 27 February 2014

Day 1 #100happydays

I have decided to jump on the bandwagon and see if I can be happy for 100 days, as many other people are doing this.  It has also been triggered by an argument this week, which could have been avoided if I was not dwelling on the past or living anxiously for the future.  So in the spirit of mindfulness I want to focus on where I am now and find peace and happiness there.  So here goes...

This is my messy desk space - we moved here 5 months ago and up until now my working from home has been done on my laptop on my knee.  My other half made me a working space so I don't have to keep putting everything away to get it all out again, and its lovely to have my own little messy haven again!  Its important to leave things out when writing!